for the New Paradigm
I'd like to share with you a Tarot card reading. There's an issue that is perfectly demonstrated by this Tarot Card that's important right now... and will be even more so in the near future.
You can take this an inspiration for your relationships — especially for families. In particular, if you have a blended family, this will be really beneficial.
For most of us, "Family" just happens while we pay attention to other things.
There's a subconscious belief that family is the relationship we don't
have to work at... it's just what is.
What might your family be like,
if everyone went into it with
Creating family in the New Paradigm is just that.
And the sweet reward is that it brings out the best in yourself and each other!
Together Building Something of Great Value
The 3 of Discs (or Pentacles) in the Motherpeace Tarot Cards
means working together, in community, to build something of value.
This kind of co-creation requires that...
- everyone does their part,
- participating carefully and conscientiously,
- to their best ability,
- while allowing others to participate as well,
- and valuing everyone's unique contributions.
Imagine coming together in a Family Meeting and bringing this as the Intention that all of you can support, together!
In families, there's usually an unspoken assumption that we're all in this together and we have to work together. But it's not often overt. And because it's not talked about, we don't always participate appropriately — or even necessarily know how to accomplish better interactions.
That's what I love about this card. It hints at how, specifically, to pull together and cooperate in creating something of great value: a wonderful family relationship.
Here's the Secret
As you all go through your days, keep your awareness on the values of —
- Forgiveness / Compassion
- True Listening (quietly listening to understand)
- Presence / Mindfulness / Beingness
- Appreciation / Gratitude
Can you imagine a world where children are raised to pursue these ideals?!
How This Works
See, these values are something real you can reach for. Many people would say that Love is the primary value in a relationship, and I'd agree, but... "Love" is such a nebulous concept, and with many unhelpful interpretations. It can be difficult to use as a lodestone for choosing the best actions.
But "Kindness" is something you can act on.
I recommend making a list like this with your family. Avoid too
many values, so that it's overwhelming or difficult to work with (you may even want to trim down my list a bit
And aim for things that lend themselves to obvious actions.
Then put this list somewhere you’ll all see it and remember your Intentions
... because it's human nature to need reminders. Especially when we're upset.
Move it around from time to time, so it doesn’t sort of disappear into the background of your consciousness.
And of course we'll all fail to achieve these values, from time to time. That's alright — that's what being human is about.
The important thing is that we remember what we're striving for, and continue to pick ourselves up and try again, when we fall short.
And that we don't judge others, or ourselves, harshly when we slip!
Appreciation: The Yeast of Loving Relationships
Just as yeast converts a flat lump of dough into a fluffy, delicious loaf — or decaying fruit into tasty beverages — appreciation takes the raw material of individuals and transforms it into warm, connected, happy community.
Remember to appreciate each other — and yourself — for your contributions
to the family's well-being, closeness, happiness, and smooth functioning.
You might think that you need to give more "constructive criticism" than praise, for others to learn from their mistakes and do better.
But have you heard Wayne Dyer speak of this tribe, somewhere (I forget where), who have a unique method of criminal justice?
When someone in the tribe does something harmful, he's not ostracised or shamed. Instead, the whole village gathers together, with the miscreant in the centre. And then, for hours upon hours, everyone in the tribe tells all the best things they can think of — about him!
Every good quality, every kind deed, every skill, every success... they don't stop until everybody has told each thing they can possibly think of.
And then they celebrate.
Does it work? Far better than our Western justice system!
It's extremely rare for anyone to continue to act in destructive ways, after these ceremonies.
Note: This doesn’t replace saying it all verbally.
There's something incredibly powerful and irreplaceable about hearing it out loud and looking into each other's eyes while sharing loving thoughts.
This goes a long way toward making each other feel seen and cherished.
Do this verbally and as specifically as possible
, so everyone clearly understands what others value about their presence in the family.1
Since it's also human nature to forget the good things and focus on the bad, I recommend having Family Appreciation Gatherings on a regular basis. Everyone tells each member something they do well or recognises some expertise or achievement in family unity they've made.
This gives three important benefits...
- A perfect opportunity to remember to value each other
- Practice focusing on what's good and what's working well
- Building self-esteem for everyone
If everyone is comfortable with it, it helps to do this within sacred space... or at least singing or chanting together. This forges the group spirit and enhances all that you do.
You may also want to end with some form of group affirmation or team cheer. It might seem silly, but there's a reason people do these things. They send out magickal Energy and help make it real — especially if you intend it to do so.
If you want to ramp up the benefits of Appreciation even more, here are two-and-a-half fantastic options:
Appreciation Cards give self-esteem a huge boost and are wonderful for healing emotional wounds in the family. Here's how it works...
Put each person's name on a separate card or postcard — can be homemade with a picture of something nice on the front.
Then begin the appreciation session by passing around the blank cards.
Everyone writes in each card...
Be as specific as possible: mention the situation, the action or words, and how that impacted you
- Something they like, admire, or value about the recipient
- Something the recipient has done really well at, in the outside world
- Some quality the recipient improved on
- Some Intention / Value the recipient has demonstrated that week
- Anything else that's positive about the person that you can appreciate
— how you felt, how it helped, how it influenced you, etc.
(Take care not to use this as a way of subtly trying to point out flaws or, worse, insult someone in a devious way. We get out of relationships only what we put in, remember.)
Really reach for a depth of love and caring... and write from that Energy.
Then someone gets to be "mailperson" and hand out cards to everyone.
Another great version of this is to keep a stack of nice paper or cards and a little "mailbox."
During the week, ideally when the idea occurs to you, you'll write a separate note for each person, and drop it in the mailbox (clearly labeled).
In a way, this is easier: the specifics are fresh in your mind, and you don't have to remember who you might have missed earlier in the week.
If you're up for it, try doing one little note for each person, every day! 3
Begin your Appreciation Gathering by writing cards for any people you'd missed during the week, and put them all in the box before delivery. (So no one knows if they weren't thought of during the week.)
This version has the added benefit of being effective practice in noticing the good things all the time,
not just when sitting down for the Gatherings.
This is best done at the end of an Appreciation session.
For this, one person stands at the front, or in the centre, of the group. All the others stand and cheer for that person, chanting out their name like you would at a rally that you're really passionate about.
It helps to use a drum and percussion instruments, especially if you have a small group.
Conclude with clapping and cheering and a big group hug. Laughing is a bonus!
You can do a different person each week, or cheer for everyone one at a time. If someone's having a bad week, this is a great pick-me-up!
It feels so fantastic to be in the centre of one of these, so healing and supportive...
it's my fond dream that one day everyone will be honoured this way — either on a monthly basis (at minimum) or with a recording of it they can play back frequently.
What Family Is Meant To Be
The whole is greater than the sum of its parts, and nowhere is this more true than in human relationships.
Bringing these values to the family's consciousness, setting them as Intentions that each will try to follow, engages all members of the family in this more refined level of relationship.
Each individual inevitably influences the style of creation and the result — the team. The family reflects every member of it (for better or worse).
That's why it's so important to agree on what we all want it to be, and then think action on that.
When we're all aiming at
creating something beautiful and loving,
there's a far greater possibility that we'll succeed!
This forges the kind of family bonds that support each other, through thick and thin — independent of the inevitable personality conflicts that arise when people interact for long periods of time. This makes it possible to get along well and be there for each other, to be a great team,
even if you don't have much in common.
Can you imagine a family where everyone consciously engages in working together to build something of such great value?
All crafting the family relationship, rather than just going along with their own wants and feelings and unconscious reactions, heedless of the whole or their impact on the results!?
That's why this is a card — and a goal — for the new millenium. This is the kind of relationships we're now building towards.
And now you've got the inside scoop, and can get a head start!
May you and all your loved ones generate a glorious family relationship together!
With Brightest Blessings,
Return to the Silver Chalice E-zine #51
Family Values for the New Paradigm
Silver Chalice E-Zine, June 2015